THE MORNING CONSTITUTIONAL TAKES ROLL TIDE LITERALLY

There are a lot of good questions you can ask about the criminality of drug use in the United States and whether our existing structure is in need of reform, large or small. That said, DAMN BAMA Y'ALL GOT THAT GOOD GOOD.

Before you start saying "hey these numbers aren't even adjusted for the size of the student population," recognize that the total number of drug arrests at Auburn from 2009-2011 was less than the number at Alabama for any one of those years INDIVIDUALLY. Bama's got nearly 30% of all the campus drug arrests for that three year period in the whole damn state. I know, I know. You got glaucoma from looking at all them championship raaaaaaaangz.

We'd like to give credit to UAB coming in second with some terrible Blazers pun, or give Concordia College credit for getting 7 arrests when the school barely has 700 students. And yes, it's possible law enforcement at Auburn is in on a massive drug operation so of course there aren't going to be any arrests.

(stops to submit story pitch to Sports Illustrated)

But damn, there's just no way we can ignore this level of substance tomfoolery. D.A.R.E. to be champions, y'all!