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WHO WILL BE THE NEXT COLLEGE COACH/NFL SUCCESS STORY?

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WE HAVE AN ANSWER

Matthew Emmons-USA TODAY Sports

Right. So here we are, a day shy of Pete Carroll becoming just the third coach to win both a college football national title and a Super Bowl. Now what you're thinking, if you're an NFL owner, is this: because I have no imagination, and run a business with virtually guaranteed profits, how can I do exactly what Seattle did? How do I, NFL owner, find that next college coach with NFL DNA, take him from the college ranks, and place him in just the position to almost succeed, and make it look as if we, the franchise, are almost trying to win?

More importantly, how can I do this without spending any money?

The answer is clear. You need a model that believes in running the ball, and then punting that ball. You need a coaching model that knows how to go 9-7 in THE LEAGUE, and give just enough hope that your team might be just seconds away from turning a corner it will never, ever reach. You need a college coach with that collegiate rah-rah enthusiasm and yet the grudge-y, drudge-y workaday demeanor of a committed league doombot.

You need an answer, and that answer is clear.

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He's available for no money down and moving expenses. Think of him as Meat Carroll, both because he is a college coach just waiting to get back to the NFL, and also because he is now literally most valuable when sold as meat.