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VANDERBILT'S NEW COACHING STAFF JUST GETTING COMFORTABLE

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WELCOME TO NASHVILLE

Randy Sartin-USA TODAY Sports

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Even our nicest, sober-est great uncle was arrested for DUI in Nashville. So know that if you want to fit in with the locals, there are few better ways to do it than pinballing down a narrow street in the West End bouncing your car off other cars and into the loving arms of the local authorities. It's part of the city charter: everyone will be arrested for DUI once, and all cars must have one school pride sticker of some sort in the rear window.

Because Stanford men are smart, they understand this, and obey by being arrested for blowing a .18 after hitting a few cars in the heart of the West End early on a Sunday morning. Assistant coach Vavae Tata, part of Derek Mason's new staff at Vandy, hit two parked cars and fled the scene before his arrest for DUI less than a month into his stay in the city. Now that he's got initiation rites out of the way, we hope Mr. Tata sobers up, pays the thousands of dollars he'll have to cough up for the privilege of being arrested, and wish him luck enduring DUI school and never doing this again.

P.S. We also hope he's not married. Asking your wife to drive you everywhere because you got a DUI, and thus turned her into the world's most justifiably angry chauffeur, is an agony we imagine you never, ever want to experience.