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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/5/2014

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GEORGE O'LEARY'S HAPPINESS IS THE WORLD'S LOSS

DAMMIT, ECU. You don't just go and give George O'Leary a reason to display his hideous grin in public like that.

The UCF radio crew went bonkers, as they should have.

WELL LOOK AT THAT. That's a Tomahawk Nation article on Jim McElwain being a promising thing for Florida, which we assume is a red herring meant to distract us from the continued collapse of the program. If so? WE'RE BITING THAT HOOK TILL IT LODGES IN OUR NOSE, BUD.

C.O.P.S. TUSCALOOSA: Godfrey followed the cops who make the Iron Bowl something less than a sustained public riot for the weekend of the game. This is a sample:

A college-aged male in khaki shorts and a crimson polo hops into the median and begins what can best be described as a shuffling, leaning rendition of an Irish jig.

"GET OUT OF THE STREET!" a TPD officer yells.

"CAN I GET A ROLL TIDE?! I NEED A ROLL TIDE!" the kid yells back.

"ROLL FUCKING TIDE!" a driver in the opposite lane screams.

"FUCK AUBURN FOR FUCKING EVER!" a voice across the street replies

"GET OUT OF THE STREET, OR YOU'RE GOING TO JAIL," the officer yells.

An elderly man also tries to fight the police. It's real fun.

MIKE RILEY IS A 61 YEAR OLD MOUSE WHO CANNOT STOP STACKING CHEESE. People freaked out for a lot of reasons when Mike Riley was hired at Nebraska yesterday, but one was this: Riley's contract at Oregon State extended until his retirement, basically, something very few people would just throw aside on a whim. Nebraska solved that problem by offering him a contract through 2020, and also by paying him $2.7 million a year.

MIKE RILEY'S FIRST BIT OF BUSINESS: The important issue of resolving the conflict between Nebraska football players and local raccoons.

CHAMPIONSHIPNESS THINGS: If Mizzou's gonna do it, here's how they beat Alabama. They're probably not beating Alabama, because life denies us the most hilarious things possible.

ETC: Just go watch the Christopher Walken clips.