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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/3/2014

SABAN TO TEXAS SABAN TO TEXAS SABAN TO TEXAS

By Ryan Nanni

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Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

SLEEPOVER TIME. Jeremy Foley spent the night in Colorado pursuing Jim McElwain as the next Florida coach, because sometimes you have to go the extra m-

Oh, no. I know that face. That's the "this lasagna tastes like soap and I'm pretty sure that one cousin just said something about Obama hacking her bank account and oh god now everyone's talking about how they want more Twilight movies come on just smile and say nothing you can get through this" face.

SPONSORED CONTENT. Bo Pelini may think it's heartwarming to meet with his former players at a local high school to say goodbye, but what about the effect on our environment? Those players probably didn't walk to the meeting, and all that unnecessary driving is the last thing our atmosphere needs these days. That's why Todd Graham sends a group text message when he leaves a program - because he cares about leaving our kids a green planet. (Paid for by The Committee To Get Todd Graham The Raiders Job.)

CANCEL THE BUTCH DAVIS ZEPPELIN. Many Miami fans would like to see someone other than Al Golden as the head coach of the Hurricanes; many Miami fans should prepare to be disappointed. Though I suppose losing to Virginia and Pitt to close your season already has your disappointment muscles nice and stretched.

SUN RISES, SETS; NCAA CONTINUES TO BE SHIT. Georgia Southern won nine games, nearly beat NC State and Georgia Tech, and went undefeated in Sun Belt play. Is that enough to earn a waiver of the rule that first year FBS teams cannot participate in a bowl, a requirement which protects well we're not exactly sure what? NOOOOOOOOOOOPE.

ETC. This country was founded on two things: the right to say whatever you want, and the right to wear whatever you want, and damn if Robert Kekaula isn't the most American media member in the game. Wait, doesn't Nick Saban love to eat human brains with his oatmeal creme pie NICK SABAN TO TEXAS IT'S HAPPENING!