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THE UNPOPPED KERNELS OF BOWL SEASON

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TWO TEAMS, ONE PLAY, TWO TURNOVERS, ZAXBYS

Bowl season is eating a bag of movie popcorn in reverse. You start with the unpopped greasy kernels at the top, and work down into the mantle layer of sorta-popped kernels, and then through the middling middle of semi-burnt and undersized grease-blossoms until you arrive at the fluffy, perfectly detonated angel's ears of popcorn perfection.

What we're saying is that we'd like some movie popcorn. What we're saying is that the Championship Game, Rose, and Sugar Bowls will be delightful, and the substrata of the Peach Bowl and company will also be very tasty, and that right now you gotta eat this Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl to get to it. Then you're going to have to get through the Bitcoin Bowl tonight, and the Quick Lane Bowl before that, and eat this popcorn because it's all you're getting for a long time.

P.S. That is the Louisiana Tech kicker falling down on the opening kickoff of the Zaxby's Heart of Dallas Bowl, where Illinois has literally done everything football-wrong in the span of three quarters and yet still only trails by three points. Tim Beckman is a wizard you can pay in chicken fingers.*

*THIS IS PROBABLY NOT A GOOD INDICATOR OF WIZARDING QUALITY IF YOU CAN PAY IN DEFROSTED BREADED POULTRY. ALSO THIS BOWL GAME JUST HAD TWO TURNOVERS ON ONE PLAY.**

**We'll be doing open threads until Monday. God bless, and keep working your way down to the good layers of bowl season.