THE NCAA'S NOTICE OF CHRISTMAS ALLEGATIONS

Things will be expectedly slow here for the next couple of days, but we did want to drop one particularly newsworthy item with you before the holidays hit full swing -- the NCAA's newly issued Notice of Allegations concerning possible Christmas violations of Association bylaws. Full text of that letter is below. (And enjoy your holidays. - Spencer/Ryan/Jane)

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FROM:
The National Collegiate Athletics Association
Enforcement Division
Indianapolis, Indiana

Contact with boosters and/or donors. Requesting contact information for Messrs. Melchior, and Balthazar mentioned in memo of 12/24.TO:
Christ, Jesus
Prospective Student-Athlete/Newborn Lord & Savior

Dear Mr. Christ,

We write you today to remind you of the NCAA's commitment to preserving the integrity of the collegiate athletics experience. Amateurism is the bedrock of that experience, of course, and we steadfastly maintain that compensation is wholly inconsistent with the ideals of our organization. (We note that the Israelite class action, Moses v. Emmert, is still on appeal with the Seventh Circuit, and we are confident that court will find A.D. Pharaoh's actions were not anticompetitive.)

Keeping that in mind, we have reviewed your case and made the following notes of violations or potential violations of the existing code of conduct for amateur athletes under current NCAA rules:

1) Representation by an agent. It is alleged that, on your behalf, a heavenly spirit appeared to three shepherds for the purposes of marketing your birth. This conduct would violate Bylaw 12.3.1 and render you ineligible for participation in an intercollegiate sport.

2) Contact with boosters and/or donors. We are renewing our request that you provide contact information for Messrs. Melchior, Caspar, and Balthazar ("Magus 1", "Magus 2," and "Magus 3," respectively), as mentioned in our memorandum dated 12/24; their conduct may be in violation of Bylaw 13.02.10.

3) Receipt of nonpermissible benefits. It is further alleged that Magi 1-3 and an unnamed hotelier provided you and your family with gifts, including, but not limited to:

- Precious metals
- Incense
- Embalming oils
- Overnight accommodations
- Hay and/or straw

If you or your family accepted any of these items, this would be a violation of Bylaw 16.11.2.1.

4) Your letter of intent does not include valid paternal signature. If we do not receive documented proof of paternity by April 21st, this would be a violation of Bylaw 13.02.11.

5) It has come to our attention that the likeness of you located on the campus of the University of Notre Dame exceeds the 8-1/2" by 11" size restriction required by Bylaw 13.4.1.1.

Please reply in full at your nearest convenience. Send all supporting documents via fax to (317) 917-6222. We remind you that the NCAA does not accept burning bush correspondence.