THE CURIOUS INDEX, 12/22/2014

EXPLOSIONS. Go watch Kyle Field fall down and go boom, and then imagine a Texas hype video where Charlie Strong thunderclaps to cause this destruction.

YOUR MICHIGAN COACHING UPDATE. The biggest question has the same answer, but apparently the pool of possible candidates has expanded to include Doug Marrone and Jason Garrett. You can't hire Jason Garrett, Michigan. You were his safety school.

INTERIM HEAD COACH WILL MUSCHAMP. In the other direction on the NFL-NCAA highway, Gus Malzahn and Jim Mora are both being floated as potential candidates to be wooed by professional teams. If the Dolphins snag Malzahn, who will step in to the power vacuum at Auburn? Rhett Lashlee? Muschamp? Or is this the time for Terry Bowden's Glorious Homecoming Sponsored By Hostess?

TURNT SCHOOL UP NORTH. To those who would condemn Chad Kelly for his recent arrest in Buffalo, I say let he who has not threatened to go get his AK cast the first punch at a cop.

MERRY CHRISTMAS. I know you asked for a cardigan, a Kindle, and a wok, but I got you a kick in the face instead.

ETC. You dismissed it as the ramblings of a paranoid idiot, but now my theory about the animal uprising doesn't seem so stupid, does it? Dr. Oz is gonna CRUSH the batting average record. Blackberry: nowour products break on purpose!