The FACTOR FIVE preview this week looks at Clemson/Wake Forest this week, and wait what are you doing--
NEBULOUS STATISTICAL COMPARISONS OF DUBIOUS VALIDITY. Wake Forest, after a rough start to the season, now boasts a 1.1 yard per carry average. Clemson only scored 50 on North Carolina. Do you have family? Does the fall not remind you that life is short, winter is coming, and of the fragility of life itself? If not, have you played Kentucky Route Zero? You could play that, or read about Brian Phillips finding the man who cut off Yukio Mishima's head while trying to figure out sumo wrestling. You could go to bed early. Sleep is important for longevity and overall well-being as a person.
SLEEP, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D!
Life of Pi remake? Life of Pi remake.
ADVANTAGE: Actually, just watch Hunt for Red October. Life of Pi doesn’t have James Earl Jones.
I don’t know why we tend to pick five names for this Factor every week. Maybe it’s because, subconsciously, we’d like to see these teams play Family Feud instead. Sure, Dabo wouldn’t be representing Clemson in this hypothetical edition of the game show, but there’s no way his answers would be helpful. "Name something you pack in your shaving kit." "MOLASSES!"
ADVANTAGE: Show me Molasses!
YOUR WIFE, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D!
You could reach out to old friends. Give them a call. Been to the gym lately? Even if you're tired, you will be astonished at how much better you feel afterwards, both mentally and physically. Just try something light if you're worried about feeling too out of shape: a yoga class, or maybe just a half-hour on the treadmill at a gentle place. The important thing is to get get moving a little bit every day.
If you are on the treadmill, do not watch Clemson/Wake Forest as it may cause dangerous drops in blood pressure.
GRUDGES/SCORES TO SETTLE/SHEER CUSSEDNESS
This is not a rivalry, and has never been one. Clemson holds a 61-17-1 record against Wake Forest, with the last Demon Deacons victory coming in a 12-7 sedation of the Tigers, Wake, and anyone watching the game. Deshaun Watson, Clemson's brilliant freshman, will likely not start tonight due to a hand injury. Here is an internet video you can watch instead of this game.
Also have you changed your air filters in your HVAC system? Probably not. You're probably just living and sleeping for hours, days, and weeks at a time in the equivalent of a giant tubercular smoker's lung. You can also flip your mattress, another thing you are lying to everyone about doing.
ADVANTAGE: MATTRESS FLIP
MATTRESS FLIP, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D!