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Chris Graythen

Arbor Day

For which we respect trees, and because of that I stole your oak dining table. Trees.

Labor Day

The Hercules performed many feats upon the lions and the birds and the hydra. I have myself had lunch with the hydra and my wife found him punctuated.


Ceremonial transfer of the sugars to the youth. Every child disguise themselves with robustness.

Presidents' Day

Memorialization of our greatest presidents, Abe Lincoln and Bon Scott. Salute them with your hand.

Ash Wednesday

Important to teach these youths about the sacrifices. Great sacrifices. Because you gotta catch them all.

Good Friday

A related holiday to Ash Wednesday during the Holy Week. The other days are also important: Thirsty Thursday, Taco Tuesday, and Cyber Monday.


Believed it to be a good throw. Practice field will be the place for the working out of that pattern. Toughness.

Mothers' Day

The conception is a step, and the implantation. What we have to focus on is dilation. Dilation and performance.

Cinco de Mayo

(breakdances while Ravel's Bolero plays)

Valentine's Day

Getting a card is important. The candy is important.

[stares at wall for eight seconds]

[shakes head]

...candy is so freakin' important, men.

Guy Fawkes Day

We're sitting him for the first half of the New Mexico State game. We feel that's a lesson and he's absorbed it. We feel that.

Veterans Day

Thank a Space Marine by punching Paul Reiser.

Birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr.

Happy birthday Marvin