HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND DESTROY RECORDS. I just sort of assumed that Melvin Gordon's record-setting day against Nebraska involved a demolitions expert, a supremely confident con man, one of the world's best hackers, a pickpocket who's also an art history professor, and a getaway driver. But that's why we have Ian Boyd, who can give you the actual explanation. (I do think the pickpocket is probably involved.)
THE PAWWWWWWWL-KNOWING. Finebaum says he has the short list Florida's using to find the next head coach, and, of the four names on it, two have publicly stated they're not interested, one makes over six million dollars a year in the NFL, and the last is widely regarded to have a bad relationship with Florida's AD. Paul Finebaum Industries: You Don't Have To Be Right, You Just Have To Be Interesting.
WELL NOW YOU TELL HIM. There's an uncomfortable amount of truth to Faux Pelini's guide on how to not get fired as a college football head coach. Lane Kiffin was terrible at pretty much every one of these at USC, and that's why he got left in an airport parking lot. Never forget: Alabama's offensive coordinator was thrown away in an airport parking lot like a Diet Sunkist you can't bring on the plane.
PREPARE FOR AN OFFSEASON OF THIS. In theory, it is a good thing that Ohio State has two excellent options at quarterback. In practice, we are going to get five straight months of "I heard Braxton Miller's really interested in the graduate programs at Louisville and I saw him walking out of a Papa John's the other day so yeah it's basically a done deal."
THE ART OF MICHIGAN BONSAI TRIMMING. Lloyd Carr kept his coaching tree small, and not very good, and my god Ron English is really one of the best names on here isn't he?
ETC. Good: this video, whatever it is. Bad: SEALS ARE FUCKING PENGUINS AND THEN EATING THEM AFTERWARDS WHAT THE HELL.