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Derick E. Hingle-USA TODAY Sports

WHEN THOSE THINGS THAT ARE NORMAL BECOME ERRATIC. Holly got to sit down with Les Miles on his birthday and oh my is it good. Go read it. Go read it right now.

OHHHHH GIRL. I take back everything I've previously said about the Playoff Committee's rankings being an unnecessary exercise and a waste of time, because if they're willing to do things like put 9-1 Oregon over 9-0 FSU, they clearly understand what buttons to push in our universe.

A TWITTER TIP. Don't send death threats to anyone unless they actually kidnap your family and you have a particular set of skills and so on. But definitely don't do it over something as minor as a slight pantsing. You've given yourself no room to escalate! What happens if there's a cheap shot after the pantsing? Do you threaten the subject with eternal damnation?

STOP SINGING. We can't risk any more of these awful football fan parody videos, so everyone has to stop singing. That way, there will be no new songs for fans to parody. No exceptions.

YOU ASKED FOR A CHANGE. If you thought Alabama's offense before Lane Kiffin was too focused on running the ball even if they were really good at it, good news - now they're not as good at it! LANE KIFFIN FOR PRESIDENT.

AND SO THE CYCLE BEGINS ANEW. Ed Orgeron is willing to come back home, USC, in whatever capacity you'll have him. He will then take the interim coaching job after Sarkisian is dismissed in the middle of a season, not be retained, storm off for a few months, and then return as an assistant under whoever the new coach is. He will do this long enough to become the winningest coach in school history without ever being anything more than an interim solution, and it will be glorious.

ETC. Let's land a spacecraft on a comet just to prove we can. Pizza Hut decides to become a parody of itself. Happy Birthday, Booker T: