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HATIN' ASS SPURRIER HAS SEEN BOB STOOPS NAKED

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THAT'S THE FIRST ART ANYONE IN BAYLOR'S EVER APPRECIATED

Sure, Georgia's offense showed up a week late, but that'll get you a promotion at Time Warner Cable.

If you've seen Bob Stoops naked, you know that's not the first time he's been embarrassed at home.

I'm not saying he's going back to Gainesville, but getting killed in your own house by a bear is awfully Florida of Bob Stoops.

"Two Stoops" sounds like the shittiest winery ever.

Polite of the Sooners as hosts to try church hugs instead of tackling, though

Called Coach Switzer after that game. He said "Baylor? I barely know her! And also Dog the Bounty Hunter's still looking for me."

Strand players in space like that and they'll make you head of the Russian Space Program, Mike Stoops.

Mike Stoops can't carry a gun in any state until he learns what a safety does.

Honestly, I'm just happy the people of Norman finally got to see Art that wasn't that poster of dogs playing poker.

Nice of Notre Dame to hire Dale Chihuly to build their defense for this game.

Sometimes you pull a win out of your ass, and sometimes you snap a loss into it, Auburn.

Shoulda been a flag on that play though. Alabama law's very clear on "no butt stuff." You're gay, but that's cool now for Auburn. Thanks, Tim Cook.

You think Bill Snyder got whooped by the Frogs, you shoulda seen him against Locusts and Boils.

Doesn't want to pay his young workers, hates unions, does anything to avoid overtime - we sure Pat Fitzgerald ain't a Carnegie?

Brady Hoke must be amazed whenever he goes to the ATM. Dang machine can give you 20 with no trouble at all!

Thomas Jefferson would have sold his own children to get that win, UVA.

Wake Forest is the easy Sudoku puzzle of the ACC, so it's no wonder it took Dabo three hours to figure it out.

Memphis football's piling up bodies like this is the The First 48.

You say we don't have an active Ebola case in the United States, and there's the box score for Penn State/Indiana right in front of you. Explain that, science.

Lose to a gopher like that and a golf course should blow up, Kirk Ferentz.

The Iowa version of Charlotte's Web is two pages long and the ending ain't great for Wilbur.

Kirk Ferentz has been off the charts so long Chingy's calling him to hang out.

Y'all gonna enjoy Kirk Ferentz's personal fragrance. It's called "Unrank'd."

Best to think of the Iowa offense as your divorced dad - some Saturdays he's showing up, some he ain't.

That scene with Peter Stormare feeding Kirk Ferentz into a wood chipper was rough, but I trust the Coen Brothers when they wanna take me somewhere I don't normally go.

Hard to look at Kirk Ferentz's contract and believe Iowa lost a fight for an unmovable pig.

Lose to Minnesota by that many points and you better see Kevin Garnett and Stephon Marbury on the opposite bench.

Don't know why Auburn fans are surprised. The Marshall Plan is all about helpin' your enemies.

Some people say Auburn couldn't tackle, but I thought they wrapped up on Myles Garrett pretty well damn near every play.

I bet Donald Rumsfeld and Brian Kelly get along because none of the desert mistakes are their fault.

If he beats a team named after immigrants like that, well, Todd Graham just might beat Joe Arpaio in an election out there.

When the devil came to Jesus in the wilderness, he dared him to turn stones to bread. Mighty Christ-like to make turnovers instead, Brian Kelly.

Least Doctor Faustus kept it close in the first half.

Todd Graham's beaten the Irish twice, putting him just ahead of Greg Robinson and several spots behind "carbohydrates" on the all-time win list.

I'd give Les Miles a pass on that last series against Alabama but he'd probably just sail it into the third row.

Jameis says his play is hurtin' FSU, but TPD's waiting a few more months before interviewin' anyone.

Nice job, playoff committee. Normally the only way to get Tallahassee to fall in any set of rankings is passin' out free penicillin and bike locks.

Kansas tore down the goalposts after beatin' Iowa State, but the goalposts still get 3 million over the next two years.

Did y'all know some Vanderbilts were booked on the Titanic but didn't make the trip? Too bad the S.S. East Division doesn't allow cancellations.

Getting in without doing a lot of work because of your name? I apologize, Alabama. Maybe you really are the Harvard of the South.

Kick Lane Kiffin off one bus and watch him abandon the ground game for life.

Seminoles beating a cop? Well, that's happened before.

Marshall's whoopin everyone and not getting any attention for it, so expect a scholarship offer from Florida State soon.

Normally you gotta go to the Treasury shredding room to see green get ripped apart like Michigan State did.

The movie's called 300 because that's the number of passing yards you need to kill a bunch of Spartans. (No I ain't making that up. It's a damn tribute.)

JTBarretts300