CONSOLED BY MIKE LOCKSLEY. "I would have stayed at Arkansas" is one way to react to being demoted after a season and a half at Syracuse. But look on the bright side - now you have more time to enjoy winter in upstate New York wait don't go I was just kidding.
DEAR DAVE BRANDON. We know you're tired of hearing from Internet types on, well, anything, but this isn't about you or Brady Hoke getting canned. No, we've got a money making idea for you, a gold mine opportunity that nobody's jumping on: goalpost resale. Even after paying the fines levied by the SEC, Mississippi's turning a tidy profit on their torn-down goalposts, so just think what you could do given Michigan's higher level of prestige and alumni economic status! Get a crew out there this morning with rotary saws and you'll have an extra $200,000 in the coffers by dinner.
RIDICULOUS. Mike MacIntyre just wanted to make sure the officials knew about "Dracula Untold," opening this Friday in theaters nationwide! Don't hate the man for having a side grind; it's not like being the head coach at Colorado has historically proven to be a long-term gig.
DINNER THEATER WITH CONFERENCE IMPLICATIONS. CHEER FOR YOUR NORTHWESTERN CHAMPION AND HE WILL DEFEAT SIR PELINI IN HONORABLE BATTLE. ASSUMING SIR PELINI DOES NOT AGAIN THROW PAPRIKA IN YOUR CHAMPION'S EYES LIKE A DICK.
PLEASE MAKE YOURSELVES KNOWN. Mark Dantonio's comments about the playoff committee and television markets suggest that there are people out there who will only watch the playoff games if they include a Big Ten team. If you are one of those people, identify yourself in the comments so that you can be mocked and jeered until shame is the only emotion you can experience.
ETC. Everyone's calling it a blood moon, but that looks pretty damn maroon to me #clanga.