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Joe Murphy

HIT THE WEIGHTS, SON. The cop barely has to try, dude.

We hope Saban yelled at him about getting off the block as he passed. The funniest part if you watch to the end: chokeslamming a hapless kid, and then still running into redshirt freshman DT Herbert Moore's huge ass to somehow get around before finding an exit off the field.

A POSTER SHOULD REALLY BE SAUTEED BUT WHATEVER, P.J. FLECK. Western Michigan is deeply into irony, so of course they honored Idaho's football team by vandalizing their visitor's locker room, knocking a few sinks off the wall, leaving trash everywhere, and generally making a mess of their host's facility. Coach PJ Fleck released this statement in response to the AP's report.

OFF THE PIRATE SHIP WITH YE. After allowing back-to-back kickoff TDs and missing a 19 yard field goal to win the game against Cal, Wazzu fired Eric Russell as special teams coach. Life is short on the pirate ship for those that slow the pillage. Oh, about Cal:

WHAT THE HELL. Cal is a top 25 team in the new efficiency rankings because we are in hell and the well-sharpened pitchfork is the new Blackberry. Don't even look at the top. Just, don't.

WELL YES THAT'S PERFECTLY OKAY TO SUSPEND SOMEONE FOR. Trae Elston really couldn't have known in the heat of the moment that Kenyan Drake's foot was hanging off the end of his leg like that, but no, you really shouldn't kick anyone while they're on the ground. Or while they're standing. Let's just not kick people at all, generally speaking, and let Trae sit for a half and let some other really malicious Ole Miss defender take a turn in their fiendish secondary.

ETC: "I still have never seen anyone chug a beer faster than Tom Brady."