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HATIN' ASS SPURRIER PUTS WEEK SIX IN A RUSSIAN SPACESHIP

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FAREWELL, LITTLE COSMONAUT HALLIDAY

When you see a chance to pull a twig off the Dan Hawkins coaching bonsai, Oregon, I guess you gotta do it.

Lookin' dumb at home made Tim Allen a TV star, so I see what Oregon's going for.

BYU didn't have a backup ready? Thought that was kind of a habit out in Utah.

Good news is BYU's playoff hopes have their own planet now.

D'you see that Louisville/Syracuse game? Really? Why?

General Montgomery beat Syracuse too, so I think we should see what Bobby Petrino can do with an M3 Lee.

I did see their coach talking about people cutting other people's heads off, so it's good to see someone already understands how the ACC ends up with ten 4-4 teams in conference every year.

Think Ned Yost is doing a real good job coaching up Florida's offense. Ten runs don't just make themselves, yanno.

Will Muschamp's favorite erotic story is the Pagliacci joke.

Will Muschamp's runnin' the Weight Watchers offense - limited points, questionable long-term, and ends with you crying into a bag of chocolate chips in the shower.

Nice checkerboard trick in the stands, though. Neyland Stadium's now the quietest Cracker Barrel.

Losing to Kentucky is like shitting your pants: I do it about once every twenty years, and it usually comes from eating what some dude you don't know named "JoJo" cooked up for you.

I wouldn't put "lost to Purdue" on the death certificate, Tim Beckman. That's how you get an insurance investigation.

Randy Edsall said Maryland was his dream job and, sure enough, that defense isn't real.

If Kevin Sumlin were a Roman he'd be called 50/50 cause he's puttin' up at least two Ls in conference a year.

Sumlin would be ideal for Florida lately, though. He can't spy a quarterback for miles around, either.

Texas A&M beat us pretty bad. Guess Poland wasn't a real good indicator of the Wehrmacht's strength of schedule, were they?

Look at the Tennessee-Florida rivalry from the Vols side and you can see why they don't believe in evolution.

Hey Bobby Stoops: If I wanted to pay millions just to get humiliated by a fly-eating cold-blooded lizard in Texas I'd challenge Rick Perry to an election.

Hey Bobby, I thought you had to drive past the book depository on the other side of town for that treatment.

Hey Bobby, Katy Perry wants to call Trevor Knight because she's back on gluten and wants to try some of those great turnovers he makes.

Don't feel bad, Bobby. If Texas Christians weren't so good at bamboozling folks, Joel Osteen would be substitute teaching.

I think the answer for Alabama's special teams is to get fans to tear down the goalposts before the game.

The last thing Ole Miss people carried around like those goalposts came from a weird night in Memphis and required three rounds of antibiotics.

Not many programs would put a geology class in on offense, but you know Stanford. Just can't stop innovating.

The Stanford offense is a lot of unnecessary pain that doesn't get you anything, so Condi Rice is gonna love it.

Bad weekend for traditional powers. Even Baylor struggled to put away Texas.

Nice of James Franklin to donate his old team to science.

Auburn's criminally underrated, and I mean that quite literally.

Showing up three quarters late to every game is a bold strategy, but Les Miles has always had issues with clock management.

Gus Malzahn's only had to beat an old man, a fat drunk, and a crazy guy. That's not even the appetizer course at Dana Holgorsen's Fight Club Easter Brunch.

You're a fool if you didn't have Miami losing to math's team by at least eleven.

Bhopal gas line also looked great in practice, Brady Hoke.

Pat Haden's gotta be grateful that Sark's spared him from any conflict of interest issues, though.

Losing to Utah's a great way to show you're ready for that Bama job, Jim Mora.

Lou Holtz kept calling Nebraska's running back "Ameer Muhammad," but he was in the same scouting troop as the Prophet.

Michigan State is our nation's college football hobo: just a quarter short of getting it together. (Also, has knocked out Bo Pelini recently in an unsanctioned street fight.)

Laika set some records in a loss too, Connor Halliday.

I know this Kentucky loss looks bad, but it ain't like we got beat by South Carolina.