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FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW: UCONN-ECU

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BECAUSE WE AIN'T CARE, MIAMI

Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

We got busy today, so please accept our apologies and this very short Factor Five preview for tonight's ECU-UConn game, the only one that we recognize as taking place on this Thursday evening.

NEBULOUS STATISTICAL COMPARISONS OF DUBIOUS VALIDITY

East Carolina has run 48 plays this year that have gained at least 20 yards, the second-most in FBS behind Marshall. Unimpressive as UConn has been overall, limiting big plays is actually one of their strengths - they've given up 21 plays that went for 20 yards or more, which ranks 14th in FBS. The bad news? One of the teams above them is ECU; they've only allowed 18 of those plays, and UConn's one of the worst teams (126th overall) in long plays generated on offense. Two good defenses; only one of them's going to be stressed. Yeah, I think I know how that turns out.

ADVANTAGE: ECU

ECU, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

MASCOT

ADVANTAGE: UCONN

UCONN, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

AURA

THE FIELD IS GOING TO COME ALIVE AND EAT YOUR SOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUL

ADVANTAGE: ECU

ECU, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

NAMES

Because we're half-assing this, you're only getting the best name from each roster. For ECU, that's punter Jim Squatriglia for UConn, it's fullback Jazzmar Clax. The winner is Jim Squatriglia, because he is likely Rick Muscles wearing a terrible fake mustache.

ADVANTAGE: ECU

ECU, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

GRUDGES/SCORES TO SETTLE/SHEER CUSSEDNESS

Connecticut and East Carolina have never played each other before, so the only sheer cussedness here is our decision to Factor Five (sort of) this game and not Virginia Tech-Miami. Eat it, ACC.

ADVANTAGE: SPITEFUL TV CHOICES

SPITEFUL TV CHOICES, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

Final score: ECU 3, UConn 1, intentionally ignoring a boring ACC game that sounds glorious if you still live in the late 90s 1.