THE CONSPIRACY AGAINST NOTRE DAME

The public argument over the end of Notre Dame-FSU (and the "penalty" called against the Fighting Irish) has focused on the surface question: was offensive pass interference committed or not? But, much like the penalty itself, that debate is a  F A L S E  F L A G.

No, the real question is who would have incentive to cheat Notre Dame, America's finest academic, athletic, and morality institution, out of a deserved victory? The web is tangled and corrupt, but we must unravel it as S E E K E R S  O F  T R U T H.

This is David Epperley, the head referee who oversaw the P U B L I C  F R A U D perpetrated against Notre Dame last Saturday night in Florida. Epperley is not the mastermind of this C O N S P I R A C Y, but he is one of its puppets, and there is proof.

1. "EPP-ERLE" on a telephone keypad gives you the number 377-3753.

2. In Boise, Idaho, 377-3753 is the number of a Blimpie Subs & Salads.

3. The most famous blimp in the W O R L D is operated by the Goodyear Tire & Rubber Company.

4. Goodyear Tire & Rubber is headquartered in Akron, Ohio.

5. The head football coach at the University of Akron is Terry Bowden, son of FSU legend Bobby Bowden.

Coincidence? Perhaps. But there are more participants in this D I S G R A C E F U L  C A B A L.

The conspirator indicated here is junior cornerback Ronald Darby, the player against whom Will Fuller was falsely accused of committing pass interference. The media wants you believe Darby was just playing a game and not part of a larger concerted effort to destroy Notre Dame football. The media is nothing but L I A R S  W I T H  B A D  F A S H I O N  S E N S E, as you will see:

1. "Ronald Darby" is an anagram for "A brandy lord."

2. The Romanovs were known to have one of the world's most impressive collections of brandy.

3. Scientific consensus is that there are no surviving members of the Romanov dynasty, but careful thinkers know that this is likely a convenient fiction. According to that fiction, the Romanovs were all executed together in Yekaterinburg.

4. Yekaterinburg is a sister city of Genoa, Italy, population 594,904.

5. 5+9+4+9+4 = 31. 1931 was the year Knute Rockne died in a plane crash that W A S  O R C H E S T R A T E D  B Y  T H E  G O V E R N M E N T to create competitive balance in college football and undermine Notre Dame's deserved dominance of the sport.

Two puppet conspirators could not accomplish this on their own. There was a third, a man of great power who was nonetheless working at the behest of another.

1. ACC Commissioner John Swofford was born on December 6, 1948.

2. Also born on that day? Actress JoBeth Williams, who appeared in the hit film Poltergeist.

3. The plot of Poltergeist concerns a family living in a home built on an ancient Native American (read: Seminole) burial ground. They are threatened by the spirits of the dead Native Americans and by a demon known as "The Beast."

4. Revelation 13:1 reads as follows:

And I stood upon the sand of the sea, and saw a beast rise up out of the sea, having seven heads and ten horns, and upon his horns ten crowns, and upon his heads the name of blasphemy.

5. "The sand of the sea" = "the Atlantic Coast."

6. "Seven heads and ten horns" = Florida State has won 17 conference titles.

7. "And upon his horns ten crowns" = this will be the 10th year of the ACC Championship game.

It could not be any clearer who masterminded this entire scheme: