FACTOR FIVE FIVE FACTOR PREVIEW: VIRGINIA TECH AT PITT

The Five Factor Preview prepares you for another Thursday night ACC SexyGame between Virginia Tech and Pitt.

NEBULOUS STATISTICAL COMPARISONS OF DUBIOUS VALIDITY

Do you like the forward pass? You won't after this game! On the one hand, we have the Hokies, who try to throw it (38 passing attempts a game against FBS opponents) but fail to be good at it (102nd in yards per passing attempt, 121st in interceptions thrown). And on the other, we have the Panthers, who only average a little over 26 passes per game, possibly because they rank 83rd in yards per attempt.

On defense, Pitt hasn't allowed any opponent to throw for 250 yards yet this season, and the only quarterback to do so against Virginia Tech is Shane Carden. Both teams rank 23rd in passing touchdowns allowed with six, and, again, Shane Carden is responsible for most of that damage against the Hokies. Worth noting: Shane Carden is not predicted to play for Pitt tonight.

So here's our math: bad Pitt passing attack that doesn't try to pass very much + good Virginia Tech secondary > bad Virginia Tech passing attack that won't give up on passing + good Pitt secondary. Once again, math is just as depressing as you remember.

ADVANTAGE: PITT

PITT, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

MASCOT

Pitt's ROC the Panther is not played by Charles S. Dutton.

Neither, for that matter, is HokieBird.

But only one of those circumstances feels like false advertising.

ADVANTAGE: VIRGINIA TECH

VIRGINIA TECH, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

AURA

Heinz Field is primarily an NFL stadium,  which means it's constructed out of Playing The Right Way and Integrity Through Accountability and Secret Rituals Involving Animal Sacrifice And Nudity. You should never go to an NFL stadium because you are unclean and not worthy of its lofty excellence and superior standards.

ADVANTAGE: THE NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE VIRGINIA TECH

VIRGINIA TECH, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

NAMES

Virginia Tech's roster boasts the following:

Johnathan Galante

Augie Conte

Remington Hinshaw

Kalvin Cline

Billy Ray Mitchell

While Pitt counters with:

Lafayette Pitts

Alex Officer

Chris Blewitt

Jester Weah

Artie Rowell

I had no idea there were still Billy Ray's out there under the age of 30. That's strangely comforting. You may already know that Chris Blewitt is Pitt's starting place kicker, but guess what, haters with name jokes? He's a perfect 9 for 9 on field goals this season. That's how you rise above your preordained station in life.

That said? If we're deciding this based on kicker names (and why wouldn't we), we're going with VT's Remington Hinshaw, a transfer from Richmond who hasn't attempted a field goal for the Hokies due to some dumb depth chart. He's probably too busy doing awesome secret agent stuff anyways.

ADVANTAGE: VIRGINIA TECH

VIRGINIA TECH, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

GRUDGES/SCORES TO SETTLE/SHEER CUSSEDNESS

The Hokies won this game last year to break a four game losing streak against Pitt. That improved VT's all-time record against the Panthers to 8-5. and every single one of those games has been during Frank Beamer's tenure. (In fairness, many things have existed only within Frank Beamer's tenure, like OfficeMax and Outback Steakhouse and Adele.)

The Panthers ran for less than a yard per carry in that loss, but only two of those runs went to James Conner. You know, this dude.

Mmmmmmmm that's good cussedness.

ADVANTAGE: PITT

PITT, YOU'VE BEEN FACTOR'D

FINAL VERDICT: It's a narrow 3-2 victory for Virginia Tech, but the Factor Five Five Factor Preview is never wrong*.

*it's so wrong so often you should never use this for anything involving money or even friendly wagers