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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/15/2014

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MARSHALL IS CALLING YOU TO THE MAT, EVENTUAL PLAYOFF CHAMP

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Peter Casey-USA TODAY Sports

TUESDAY NIGHTS BELONG TO THE SUN. Belt, that is, Tell your kids they're going to have to find another ride to soccer practice because you are fully committed to Louisiana-Lafayette's midweek carnage demonstration. Why? BECAUSE COACH HUD IS COUNTING ON YOU NOW GO RIP A WOLF'S THROAT OUT FOR NO REASON.

GIVE US A TRUE CHAMPION. If 1) Marshall finishes the season undefeated, as they're likely to do and 2) Marshall doesn't make the playoff, as they're also likely to do, then 3) Marshall should challenge the winner of the playoff to a game in March or something. Make them prove they can beat you or cower in shame, dammit!

OH COME ON. Illinois chooses to wear special Gray Ghost uniforms for homecoming and I'm just supposed to keep quiet and not make a bunch of jokes about how the Illini are already dead this season? This job really isn't fair sometimes.

COMMENCE THE ACCUSATIN'. The SEC schedules for 2015 are out and onnnnnnnce again those Barners in the conference office don't have Bama playin' Bama. Just tryin' to water down the schedule so they can leave the Tide out of the playoff. You tell Bama we'll whoop their asses. We ain't Bama for nothin'.

PETE LEMBO HAS TO ANSWER A QUESTION ABOUT PAPER CURRENCY WITH HUMAN FECES ON IT. No, really, he did.

ETC. C V S  B A N G E R S .