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HATIN' ASS SPURRIER SAYS EVERY SCHOOL CAN BE A SAFETY SCHOOL

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WEEK SEVEN BRINGS CHAOS AND A COPY OF OLD YELLER FOR FLORIDA

BYU's a family friendly program, and nothing's more family than wasting a day in Orlando.

I assume it's called the Carrier Dome because Syracuse has some sort of football disease.

FSU fans complain that we're overlooking this team, but we're just following the Tallahassee Police Department rules and regs.

Kliff Kingsbury, the last time a man that pretty went into the mountains and lost a fight to a hillbilly with a rifle Ned Beatty ended up playing porkboy in his skivvies.

Between the State Fair food and the Longhorn offense, it's amazing what a Texan body can survive on.

Course, you can tell Bob Stoops doesn't have a winning record against fried food.

Funny how Charlie Strong kicked Oklahoma back into the game.

If you're ranking aerial disappointments, I think you've gotta have "Oklahoma quarterbacks" neck and neck with "US Air."

Just remember, SMU: Mack Brown can turn any school into a safety school

Signatures are frowned on in Athens because that's how you wind up scheduling a loss to Colorado.

Don't feel bad about getting shut out at home, Mizzou. Those mortgage terms are tricky. Still pitched a shutout, though. #GoCards

It's 2014, and Kentucky's got the same record as Georgia in something besides "pills."

Paul Johnson told David Cutcliffe to mind his own business, so he did, and that's why David Cutcliffe's House Of Assbeatin' Dorks is Durham's finest purveyor of humilatin' beatdowns.

Do something nice for a stranger today, like buying their coffee at Starbucks or firing them from the Buffalo job.

Just when you think it can't get worse for Will Muschamp, Iowa scores 45 points.

You can tell Tommy Tuberville coaches the Cincinnati defense because they leave after ten minutes without even sayin' a word.

Auburn had so much trouble gettin' into the Mississippi State end zone you'd think it was a Georgia satellite campus.

Don't worry about bad press with a loss this weekend, Notre Dame, no one reports it when a Seminole beats you in Leon County.

Art Briles is banned from casino blackjack because even 21 isn't a safe hand around him

If you need a housesitter, give UCLA a call. They've been keeping the Rose Bowl tidy for its January residents for years now.

"knock knock/ who's there/ coach mora/ coach mora who/ coach mora them Ducks just scored on you" Damn right I wrote that one on the wall of a Cracker Barrel bathroom.

I don't know what Alabama fans are so disappointed about. A 14-13 matchup between Alabama and Arkansas usually results in a baby grandma ends up raising.

"13 points against Michigan" is one way to vacate a win, Penn State.

JFK shoulda played quarterback for Brady Hoke. He'd be the starter a week after Dallas.

Make that few points in 60 minutes, James Franklin, and you could be the next David Simon series.

Had to be a sad day at Gainesville Elementary when Will Muschamp's teacher asked him to put seven on the board

He'll survive until the end of the year, though, because Jeremy Foley never saw Ole Yeller.

Michigan fans, I bet you laughed at Rich Rodriguez ending a game on the wrong foot.

Vanderbilt beat Charleston Southern, but wait until they have to play a non-regional decor magazine.

I'd be surprised at Texas A&M struggling, but it's not like you remember those guys at the Alamo for winnin', do you?

Time to apologize to your asshole granddad now that the Rebels finally won a military engagement.

Pac-12's got more missed kicks than Nick Saban's time as a Rockette.

Oh, I'm just kidding. Rockettes gotta be 5'6".