THE SWEETEST SONG OF AUTUMN
Ahhhhh, Nick Saban's arms getting all flappy as he talks about getting pissed off and scares everyone in the room. Like the sound of geese in formation squawking over your house.
WE THINK DAN WOULD BE FINE BUT DOESN'T REALLY GET ALONG WITH FOLEY REPORTEDLY DOT COM. It's a nice idea to want Dan Mullen as Florida's head coach, but there are a few problems with this. Like for instance--
--fine, fine, just get the damn checkbook and paperwork. Get it now. YOU GO RUN AND GET THAT DAMN CHECKBOOK RIGHT NOW, FOLEY.
SPEAKING OF THAT. Oh cool, we're going to play two quarterbacks against MIzzou because Will Muschamp is the kind of dumbass who thinks doubling up condoms makes you safer when you're about to have sex with a blender. Why would anyone be having sex with a blender, sir? We don't know, ask Big Dumb Will Muschamp, he's the one doing perverted dumb stuff in the kitchen.
A VERY SPECIAL IT'S MELTDOWN TIME! Mostly because Alabama fans get to put Auburn fans first, because Auburn lost, something they might mention a few times over the coming week.
HEYYY AYYYY AY EEE YAAAYYY. "You, um, wanna hang out? Sell me some weed? You know, the weed you sell, out of your campus apartment on 1620 College Lane? Like the weed you sold to me? No? Awww, horsefeathers." (For the record, 112 grams ain't a lot.)
IN FURTHER OBVIOUS AND POINTLESS NON-NEWS: Jameis Winston may have signed things, call the NCAA with their army OH YOU HAVEN'T GOT ONE THAT'S RIGHT.
ETC: Alex Honnold is not human.