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WEEK SEVEN PREVIEWED USING ITALIAN HEADLINES

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NEWS!

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Giorgio Cosulich

The beautiful chaos of Week 6 brought to mind another gorgeous and fundamentally mismanaged place: Italy. For Week 7, we're previewing the games by pairing them with actual Italian news headlines from the past few weeks. Because Italy is just Florida with better food.

Italian town fined €650 for 'noisy waterfall'

Hmm. That sounds like Florida State at Syracuse, because like Syracuse in the Carrier Dome it's a noisy pissing no one wants to hear.

Rome Opera sacks 200 permanent members of orchestra and chorus

A large arts organization suddenly falling into disarray after a sudden foreclosure. Shit, yeah, that's Penn State at Michigan.

Drunk motorist demands police from the north

A man driving poorly and demanding new officiating from outside the conference? That's Toledo-Iowa State.

Italian 'cattle-fuelled planes' project is a scam

A bunch of cows relied on to power anything is so clearly Bret Bielema Airlines: Where any landing is a good landing.

Sardinian town finds novel way to cut unemployment: pay people to leave

Has to be Oklahoma State at Kansas.

Vatican buys 500 packets of cigarettes a month

Dana Holgorsen's got a mitre with the AC/DC logo on it and easily doubles the Holy See's nicotine consumption. West Virginia-Texas Tech.

Man tries to run over wife, hits brother-in-law

This is actually in Florida's playbook and will go for a loss of eight yards against LSU. It is also a play Les Miles came up with; somehow, when he runs it, it turns into an easy touchdown for the Tigers.

Marijuana does not help creativity - Italian expert

"I know," said Al Golden, leaving the field after Miami loses to Cincinnati tomorrow. "Believe me, I know."

Magistrates can write 'tits', Supreme Court rules

USC at Arizona. These freaking Pac-12 refs are out of control.

Six arrests in probe of migrant-organ racket

DAMMIT DOCTOR BO WE TOLD YOU TO COOL IT WITH THAT.