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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 10/1/2014

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DO NOT ASK FOR THE NUTRITIONAL INFORMATION ON THE IOWA DOUBLE YOU WILL REGRET IT

Ron Chenoy-USA TODAY Sports

TREMENDOUSLY DISAPPOINTING. Michigan fans took to the streets to demand change in their athletic department and holy hell these signs are TERRIBLE. Did none of you take the time to get a quality piece of plywood cut, sanded, and painted? Do your parents know that you don't own any stencils? And the lack of serifs! Eastern Michigan quality, sirs and madams.

SO UM UH. Cincinnati's now-former director of player development allegedly does not grocery shop the same way you or I do. Lord only knows what he did in the self-checkout line.

"THE STUDENT ADMITTED HE'D BEEN DRINKING THAT NIGHT." You would think being Todd Gurley, the best running back in college football and the absolute bedrock of anything good Georgia has or will do this season, would get you, oh, I don't know, some freedom from being called slurs and falsely accused of assault in ATHENS. And you would be wrong.

OHDACOACHOGUNNAFISSUPDATRESUHMAY. Kansas bakeries, congratulations - you are about to be incredibly wealthy.

TWICE THE THREE YARD PASSES ON THIRD AND FIVE! Iowa's 4-1 and doesn't have a ranked opponent on the schedule for its next five games; this can be classified as "a good Iowa thing." But Nature demands balance, and so Iowa is going with a two quarterback system that will inevitably backfire in hilarious heartbreak. One possibility: losing to Illinois when Kirk Ferentz accidentally sends both quarterbacks in to play safety.

ETC. Happy birthday to Cartoon Network, without which we would not have the following:

HOLY SHIT CAPTAIN MURPHY LOOKS LIKE KIRK FERENTZ

Captainferentz_medium