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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 01/13/14

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JULIA LOUIS-DREYFUS. CRUSH THE HELL OUTTA THAT DANCE FLOOR.

MEGA COACHING NEWS ITEM 1. Finally, college football monolith UMass is back on the path to greatness, bringing back Mark Whipple for a second turn at the helm. PREPARE TO GET TROUNCED, BOSTON COLLEGE.

MEGA COACHING NEWS ITEM 2. As Georgia fell to 8-5 this season with a Gator Bowl loss to Bo Pelini, we all thought one thing: Todd Grantham deserves a raise. And a raise he has received, now being paid one million dollars a year to coach defense in Louisville. Between Grantham and Petrino, the Cardinals are just a Steve Spurrier hire away from becoming the most reviled institution to Georgia residents (non-water supply division).

STOP BEGGIN. Miami: "Yo, NCAA, how about easing up on those scholarship restrictions since we self-imposed some?" NCAA: "YOU WILL RESPECT OUR POWER. Also remember that you promised not to sue after we washed your car in that too-small bathing suit."

THIS WON'T BE CONFUSING AT ALL. The ACC is mulling a change to its championship selection process, which would somehow involve letting teams not play everyone else in their division, in which case divisions sort of become meaningless, and wait does this mean Florida State can play Florida State in the title game NOW WHO HASN'T PLAYED ANYBODY HATERS???

ANNNNNNND WE'RE OFF! DGB and Missouri potentially get off to a fast start in the Fulmer Cup, but remember - it's a long offseason, and there's plenty of time for Auburn players to organize a complex mail fraud.

ETC. Sleep tight!