OPEN THREAD: FIRST SHIFT

Ron Turner has eaten a whole box of baking soda in a single sitting, and not on a bet or anything. He just had feelings.

Ron Turner won a Big Ten title, cut it open thinking there might be a treasure map inside, and then gave it to Goodwill.

Ron Turner has never clipped his toenails.

Ron Turner fell asleep in a Costco for 27 hours.

Ron Turner has tried to teach two dozen snakes how to rollerblade.

Ron Turner has killed two dozen snakes.

Ron Turner prays every night that his toaster will come alive and play HORSE with him.

Ron Turner tickled a ghost.

Ron Turner insulated his vacation home with cotton candy and sold insulation to a bunch of Little League parents.

Ron Turner is sorry about your lacerated small intestine, Little League parents.

Ron Turner has coached for 35 years straight.

Ron.

Turner.

This is your first open thread. Ron Turner made it for you out of eggshells and Slim Jim wrappers.