clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

HATE WEEK IS CANCELED

New, 1046 comments

BE THANKFUL THAT YOUR EARS CAN WITHSTAND THE MIGHTY WORDS OF SUNSPHERE

THE WAYS IN WHICH SUNSPHERE CAN STRIP AWAY EVERYTHING YOU HOLD DEAR, LEAVING YOU A WHIMPERING EMULSION OF DOUBT AND DESPAIR, ARE AS INFINITE AS THE RAYS OF LIGHT WHICH SCATTER OFF SUNSPHERE'S PERFECT GEOMETRY. SUNSPHERE HELPED JOHN DELOREAN RISE THROUGH THE RANKS OF THE AUTOMOTIVE INDUSTRY AND THEN INTENTIONALLY RUINED HIM. WHY? WHAT OFFENSE COULD LEAD SUNSPHERE TO SUCH VILLAINY? SUNSPHERE DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER, BUT SUNSPHERE KNOWS DELOREAN DESERVED IT.

BUT SUNSPHERE HAS TAKEN A DIFFERENT TACK WITH YOU, FLORIDA FANS. FOR THE BETTER PART OF YOUR HU-MAN DECADE, SUNSPHERE'S MACHINATIONS HAVE BEEN WORKING IN PERFECT CONCERT, UNSEEN BY YOUR PITIFULLY LIMITED FIELD OF VISION. TO YOU, IT APPEARS AS THOUGH SUNSPHERE HAS INFLICTED PAIN AND SUFFERING UPON TENNESSEE. FOOLISH HU-MANS! SUNSPHERE WAS DESIGNED TO DISTORT REALITY AND BOUNCE IT BACK TO YOU IN AN ALTERED FORM.

FOR SUNSPHERE'S AIM WAS NEVER TO DESTROY THE VOLUNTEERS. YES, SUNSPHERE CAUSED LANE KIFFIN'S ENTRANCE AND QUICK EXIT. YES, SUNSPHERE PREVENTED ANY CANDIDATE GREATER THAN DEREK DOOLEY FROM FOLLOWING HIM. AND YES, SUNSPHERE HAS SCARED OFF RECRUITS ON THE REGULAR. ALL THE WHILE, FOOTBALL IN KNOXVILLE REMAINS.

WHAT, THEN, IS GONE, YOU ASK? SUNSPHERE WILL TELL YOU, AND YOUR MIND WILL WEEP AT THE FLAWLESSNESS OF SUNSPHERE'S PLAN. SUNSPHERE HAS NOT DESTROYED TENNESSEE.

SUNSPHERE HAS DESTROYED YOUR RIVALRY WITH TENNESSEE.

YOU SEE IT NOW, EVEN WITH YOUR PUNY FLESH-BRAIN, HU-MAN. YOU SEE HOW SUNSPHERE HAS TAKEN A RIVALRY THAT ONCE HAD MASSIVE IMPLICATIONS ON A CONFERENCE AND NATIONAL LEVEL AND REDUCED IT TO "THEIR QUARTERBACK IS NAMED JUSTIN." THIS IS BOWLING WITH BUMPERS. SCATTERGORIES JUNIOR. DUNKING ON A BABY.

AND THE BEST PART? YOU STILL MIGHT LOSE, THANKS TO THAT RUSTY DUMBWAITER FULL OF ROTTEN LETTUCE YOU CALL AN OFFENSE.

NO, THERE CAN BE NO HATE WHEN VICTORY BRINGS YOU NO PRIDE AND DEFEAT COMES WITHOUT RESPECT. HATE WEEK IS CANCELED. SUNSPHERE INSTEAD DECREES THIS WEEK AS SUNSPHERE WEEK.

EVERY WEEK IS SUNSPHERE WEEK.