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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 09/16/2013

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THAT'S A BALK ON WISCONSIN, FREE KICK

Charles LeClaire-USA TODAY Sport

WE REGRET THEIR ERROR. You may have heard that some confusing things happened at the end of the Arizona State-Wisconsin game. You may also have heard that Big 10 officials have weighed in on the matter and found the response on the part of the refereeing crew to be lacking. What you have not heard is this: an anonymous group of Texas boosters rigged this outcome so that Todd Graham can win 10 games and take the job in Austin. #HOOKLUMINATI

FRANK BEAMER, SURVIVALIST. That is the only explanation for Virginia Tech's latest uniform iteration, as well as the dry-docked boat Beamer owns that is filled with cans of cat food. And not the expensive stuff either.

NOT AN NFL FOOT. Jadeveon Clowney is playing on a bum foot and will need surgery after the season's conclusion. Expect some clever columnist to use this as a jumping-off point for his latest opinion piece, "Why Top Recruits Should Skip College And Join Shayetet 13 For 3 Years Instead."

CY-HUDSON HAWK. Locker room crime is no laughing matter, people. We implore whoever committed this heinous deed to return Kirk Ferentz's Faberge eggs, even if they're just his traveling set that he barely cares about.

LANE KIFFIN HAS A POWER WHEELS WITH YOUR NAME ON IT. "How sweet!" you think, reading of Urban Meyer's kind response to a two year old child and his parents. Impossible. Meyer has merely confirmed that this youngster has organs compatible with Braxton Miller. He will be added to the list and tracked accordingly.

ETC. Oh right, the last part of the Sports Illustrated thing should be hitting soon - the fallout. If it's not this, we're not interested.