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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 08/08/2013

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LES MILES SPENDS ALL OF HALFTIME MAKING SNOW ANGELS; LSU WINS ANYWAYS

Chris Graythen

THE FUTURE IS BEAUTIFUL. There are flying cars, and robots that make scrambled eggs just the right amount of fluffy, and no more episodes of The Big Bang Theory. And! There may also be Wisconsin-LSU, once in Houston, once in Green Bay. GIVE US LES MILES IN A SNOWSUIT.

MARK RICHT HOT SEAT. Georgia can't even win their first scrimmage smoothly I'm tellin' you this team just ain't got what it takes to win under this staff somebody call up Dan Reeves.

SAD PRICE IS RIGHT HORN. Florida's Car-Recalled-Because-The-Dashboard-May-Burst-Into-Flames-For-No-Reason offense suffers another loss as Andre Debose will miss 2013 with a torn ACL. You are already betting the under on every Gator game this year, and congratulations now you are independently wealthy thanks to responsible gambling.

KICK IN THE DOOR, WAVIN' THE FOUR FOUR. All you heard was "Hal Mumme don't work here no more."

PITT UNVEILS THE 2-2-3 DEFENSE. Linebacker Todd Thomas says goodbye, because if you love something, let it transfer out of Pitt. If it comes back to Pitt, it no that won't happen.

ETC. OREGON JUST CAN'T COMPETE IN THE ESS EEE CEE. For real, fish are fucking gross. Step one on the "Jim Tressel Becomes NCAA President" timeline.