THE CURIOUS INDEX, 08/07/2013

THANK GOD FOR FREE AOL HOURS. When faced with the embarrassing revelation that its online store was connecting player names to specific products, the NCAA did the most NCAA thing possible: they pretended it never happened. The real shame here is that, unsurprisingly, the NCAA had no sense of humor when it built this search function. I mean, how does "Bob Stoops" not return this and only this?

RADON POOF. Ad of Porno. No Food Rap. These are just a few of the anagrams you can from from Poona Ford, 4 star defensive tackle who just committed to Louisville. (Seriously, if "No Food Rap" isn't the Louisville team motto in 2015, I'm gonna be pissed.)

A MORE FITTING TRIBUTE. It's nice that Stanford's going to retire John Elway's number this year at the Oregon game, but the obvious question must be asked: why not retire the trombone instead?

CONNECT THE DOTS. One: Virginia Tech is already the underdog in their opening matchup against Alabama. Two: The Hokies could really use starting cornerback Antone Exum in that game. Three: Exum is rehabbing a serious injury under the supervision of Dr. James Andrews. Four: Dr. James Andrews is from...BIRMINGHAM DO YOU SEE THE CONSPIRACY IT'S ALL PART OF THEIR PLAN

MISLEADING AT BEST. You assemble a group called the Knight Commission and it only comes up with recommendations for further subdivisions of college football? Where is the goddamned Camaro that has Keith Jackson's robot voice telling you that the bridge ahead is out???

ETC. Turtle power! THAT AIRPORT'S ON FIIIIIIIIIIRE.