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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/6/2013

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WELL DONE, PITT. YES, WE SAID THAT SINCERELY.

BRAVO, PITT. An approving growl and a shake of the jowls in your direction, Pitt.

We don't know what they're going to name after Dave Wannstedt, but we really hope it's the punter's nets.

"YOU'RE NOT DEAD." Michigan State's Micajah Reynolds had to tell a random teenager he was not dead, which is difficult when the teenager knows he has been shot in the head and left to die in the middle of the street. Micajah Reynolds is phenomenally composed for a man his age, and also a way better person than we are.

JEREMY HILL WILL GET SOME CARRIES SO GET OUT OF HIS WAY BECAUSE HE'S NOT VERY NICE. In an extreme contrast to the preceding story, Jeremy Hill has been granted his third chance at LSU after his assault case. If Baton Rouge would just legalize all fistfighting in parking lots, they could avoid like half the trouble the LSU football team has ever had, since that seems to be a thing in Baton Rouge anyway. Also, Jeremy Hill may not have the best self-control skills, and that'll go real well for the rest of his career in the hot pot of anger fondue and sexual gymnastics that is Baton Rouge. GOOD LUCK.

DEPLOY AUBURN COMPLIANCE TEAM. Go get 'em, dogs of the compliance world.

WHYYYY. Bill C has to preview every single football team every year. It's in the charter of the alien planet he comes from, and to not do so would resort in immediate deportation and extradition to his home planet, where he owes a spectacular amount of money to sports gamblers and several many-tentacled ex-wives. And he has to do it, but the preview of UVA cannot be the most savory, pleasant experience for someone wondering "What, oh what, is UVA football, ever?" (Besides very unlucky, per actual data from last year. And ooh! Look at that level, unimproving F+/- line there.)

ETC: Memphis needs someone to confront their masked demons.