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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/27/2013

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NICK SABAN IS A MAN OF RHYTHM AND TASTE

Dave Martin

MICK JAGGER CAN SING. Please note that every step in Warren St. John's profile of Nick Saban happens on the run, in the car, or moving between two different points of football interest for Nick Saban. But hey, we know he does play golf every now and then, and WHY AREN'T YOU IN THE FILM ROOM, NICK, IT AIN'T LIKE YOU WENT UNDEFEATED LAST YEAR. He is also a fan of the Rolling Stones, and you are now imagining him singing "Bitch" at the top of his lungs while letting the dogs out in the morning and downing some oatmeal cream pies with his coffee.

Oh, yeah, there's a little old man arm-pumping going on when he does this, and a solid head bob, and good hip movement because he's a former DB, and has demonstrable rhythm. This is the time to remind you Nick Saban did the Cupid Shuffle once, and did it competently.

THIS WEEK IN BULLSHIT. Manziel denied everything to the NCAA, and may be headed for a speedy ruling on any possible suspensions for taking money he's legally entitled to anyway, and to hell with this story in eighty different directions.

EVERY SINGLE DAMN PREVIEW. The CFB Index is up at last, and whoooo, it's amazing.

WELL, THAT'S ALWAYS GOOD NEWS AGAINST AN SEC DEFENSIVE LINE. Oklahoma State's starting left tackle is out for the season with an ACL injury, and that's cool because Mike Gundy has 27 identical gifted quarterbacks on the roster thanks to T. Boone Pickens' solar-powered cloning machine located beneath the stadium. They'll need no more than five of them to get through the game.

DOES NOTRE DAME EVEN NEED A QUARTERBACK, REALLY? It's an academic question, but if you're going to put Tommy Rees at QB for your team, it is one you should ask, if only for science's sake.

JAZZMAR CLAX. Should you need a name for the gallivanting intergalactic bounty hunter of your unpublished space opera/novel, UConn football is happy to provide one.

ETC: "I think people can’t just go around shooting things they don’t understand," now come on lady this is America love it or leave it.