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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/23/2013

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THEY GOT TO, MAN

MEXICO, MAN.

A&M's Chancellor is in the ring now defending Manziel, so good luck with the army of trained horse assassins the Aggies are undoubtedly sending to your door. (We do not mean people who kill horses. We mean horses who kill people, and then have been trained to whinny "WHOOP!" while pooping on your still steaming corpse.)

FOR SALE: ONE BELLDOZER. Trevor Knight, a redshirt freshman, has gotten the nod at QB over Blake Bell, currently plowing northward through everything in his path, and laying waste to all he sees like a drunk Juggernaut. He should be stopped by the time he reaches the Canadian Shield, but if he is not follow him because that thing's loaded with diamonds, and his loss could be your gain.

BREAKING: THESE MEN ARE GOOD AT THEIR JOBS. One's slightly better, of course, because victory is giving the other one a heart condition. Roll Tide. Speaking of that guy, he's fine in Columbus per a new book by John Bacon, something you should look at if only for the quotes at the end.

CUTCLIFFE NEVER LIE. Chris Brown on all the ways quarterbacks are groomed, including Professor Cutcliffe's school of learning the enemy's tricks before you ever start. David Cutcliffe would have been great in counter-intelligence, and not so much in actual intel because RECRUITING ISSUES, AMIRITE OLE MISS FANS?

STOP THAT DEION. He should be able to do this, but until the NCAA evaporates in a cloud of its own irrelevance and the member schools are pressured to act like business owners, you can't do that, especially not at SMU.

THE MAGIC OF AL BORGES. Mmm, the play-action passes of Al Borges, or why rollouts and all that Borges magic in the redzone can go sideways in ways Auburn fans and others might find very, very familiar. (Devin Gardner's maturation will have a lot to do with this.)

ETC: Waddup, DJ SEX CHARGES.