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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 08/21/2013

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JOKER PHILLIPS IS A DANGER TO HIMSELF AND OTHERS

Kim Klement-US PRESSWIRE

FOR FUCK'S SAKE. Are you in public? Do you have a heart or lung issue? Are you pregnant, or possibly pregnant? If you answered yes to any of these, do not look at the below:

NO. Somebody please replace Joker's iPad with an Etch-A-Sketch.

THESE ARE JUST RUMORS. Nobody at Oklahoma has confirmed the rumors that Trevor Knight, and not Blake Bell, is going to be the new starting QB for the Sooners. There's still a bit of time to decide, and Bob Stoops has proven he's not interested in doing whatever makes the public happy. He'll start an injured parakeet at quarterback if he feels like it, because that parakeet appreciates the opportunity to get an education and better himself.

USC IS HIDING SOMETHING. It's very easy to say, "no, Silas Redd did not get picked up at the airport by Snoop Dogg," but what about the rest of his trip? How do we know Suge Knight didn't take him out for fondue? Are we really to believe DJ Yella didn't "accidentally" slip him two tickets to Pageant of the Masters? GET THAT HAMMER READY, EMMERT.

THE LIVING DEATH. Mack Brown will leave when he's ready to leave, and oh god Mack Brown's never going to leave is he? You don't even want to think what those teeth will look like in 2087.

NO HAWG ON THANKSGIVING. We're getting the 2014 SEC schedule soon, and it will reportedly not include LSU-Arkansas the day after Thanksgiving. Maybe this is because Bret Bielema refuses to wear a shirt for 24 hours before or after Turkey Day. Maybe it's okay no it's that first reason.

ETC. Bunkie. Rick Muscles. Wright Thompson. THE INTERVIEW OF YOUR DREAMS IS NOW HERE.