THE CURIOUS INDEX, 08/19/2013

ROLL TIDE WAR EAGLE. A Tiger safety gets charged with marijuana possession, so a Crimson Tide cornerback steps up and gets slapped with a DUI. That's why this is the best dang rivalry in college football and I don't wanna hear nothin' bout it 'til some Wolverine robs a bank and then a Buckeye kidnaps the President's daughter.

FOURTH ESTATE REMAINS CONFUSINGLY OUT OF TOP 10. The AP Preseason Poll is out, and once again, the media has refused to step up and do something interesting like rank Northwestern ahead of South Carolina. Well, except for the one brave Illinois citizen who dared to be different and put Ohio State at the top. They beat Cal AND UCF, you guys. How man Teams With A C did Alabama beat? Western Carolina? OVERRATED.

PITCHFORK TEAM TO THE LEFT, TORCH TEAM TO THE RIGHT. The NCAA, like every enforcement organization, faces a constant struggle between the consistency of adhering to the letter of the rules and the equity of treating each case on its own merits. Unlike every enforcement organization, the NCAA is terrible at knowing that "Marine Ineligible Because He Played 500 In Backyard" is not great PR.

IT'S SO SIMPLE. Enough of this "we might play three quarterbacks" bullshit, Rich. When you have a QB named Jesse Scroggins, you start the QB named Jesse Scroggins. Stop overthinking it.

REMEMBER THIS WHEN WE PASS THE PLATE. Ole Miss looks poised to become a force to be reckoned with in the SEC West, and there's only one man to thank: Houston Dale Nutt, Junior.

ETC. BIG BOI AIN'T GEORGIA AT ALL. If you like hospital food, try malt liquor! That's a demerit, Chandler Harnish.