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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 8/15/2013

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MARK RICHT DON'T YOU GO AND CUT YOUR HAIR

Kevin C. Cox

BLACKSBURG, VIRGINIA.

Look at Frank Beamer's majesty there. He'd look so majestic leading troops into battle, scars and all, riding a horse into the fray with zero fear and no hat. Okay, he's probably riding a donkey. A donkey with a pot for a helmet. Frank doesn't need a hat, because neither bullets nor rain do disturb his iron skull.

THEY COULD USE SOME HELMETS, THOUGH. Any preview that starts off with "just wait 'til next year" is always a discomfiting one for the subject of said preview, and that's you, Virginia Tech. Someone please explain what a Scot Loeffler is, and what it does, and why Frank Bamer bought one.

PLEASE DONATE LEGS AND HEALTHY ACLS TO FLORIDA STATE UNIVERSITY. The Seminoles got even thinner at wideout this week. This increases the probability of "Jameis Winston Improv Class" as the default mode for 2013, and that is just fine with us for both entertainment and personal political reasons.

AND THAT'S A PRETTY NICE HAIRCUT.

(sing to this)

Mark Richt don't you go and cut your hair

Don't you know it's gonna make you age

He's just a boy with two haircuts

(and those are pretty nice haircuts)

Georgia's hair's a puzzle

Ms. Richt's got no muzzle

Told Mark he wasn't fly

look around/ look around/ his fluffy hair is down

Protective hats are found

ooh ooh oooh ooh oooh

ooh ooh ooh oooh ooooh/ ooh oooohhhhh

THE NCAA WOULD LIKE TO AVOID TACKLING JOHNNY MANZIEL. See, they're just like everyone else including every defense they played last year.

ETC: Together, we can become the overmonied Mogadishu we have always craved. Columbus, you just got more interesting to us. Hank Hill is never wrong about anything. I would go out tonight, but I haven't got a stitch to wear.