THE CURIOUS INDEX, 08/14/2013

WHO IS KILLING THE GREAT CHEFS OF THE PAC-12? Washington's Austin Seferian-Jenkins will need surgery on his broken pinkie. Pharaoh Brown won't play for Oregon for a while after suffering a leg injury. And everyone at UCLA has a concussion, though strength and conditioning coach Gus Frerotte has no plans to (headbutts wall) (headbutts car door).

OWL IN. This should be your motto, Temple Football, especially if it means everyone in the stadium gets to bring their own personal owl in addition to Stella, the newest addition to the Temple sideline. Picture it - ten thousand whirling, freaked out owls! That's an ACC invite just waiting to happen.

THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING. Steven Godfrey on the Funroe 2 Quarterback Formation leads to an obvious question - why not three quarterbacks? Why not eight? With eleven quarterbacks on the field the defense is almost GUARANTEED to be blitzing the wrong quarterback.

DEZ MAD. The former Oklahoma State suspendee will be upset if the NCAA punishes Johnny Manziel. He will also be upset if the NCAA doesn't punish Johnny Manziel. Stars: they're just like us!

IT HAS BEEN FORETOLD. Stewart Mandel and Andy Staples have found the four teams that can take down Alabama, which means four crates of poisonous squirrels are being shipped out of Tuscaloosa today. BUT THEY DON'T KNOW THAT YOU ARE THE FIFTH, BYU!

ETC. That poetry draft you sent yourself is being forwarded against your will as we speak. Summon The Wolf!