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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/9/2013

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THE PHANTOM TOLL-BOOTH HAS A SECRET: WOODY WIDENHOFER WAS INSIDE THE WHOLE TIME

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Joshua S. Kelly-US PRESSWIRE

HOW DOES ONE FEEL ABOUT THIS SIGHT, 8-BALL?

LADY'S GOT FOOTNOTES. Holly's first big preview piece at Grantland has footnotes, which means we assume she's been granted the key filled with the blood of Bill Buckner that opens all doors in Simmonsylvania. It's on Arizona, a perfect watch list team because they may lose by 40 to UCLA on a random Saturday, or they may whip someone's ass on a Thursday night the week after for like no reason whatsoever.

TEDDY BRIDGEWATER IS A FAIRLY NICE YOUNG MAN. He forgave Matt Elam, and visited a random lady in the hospital who asked him to stop by on Twitter, so his disgusting streak of being utterly likable and making grown people cry for the right reasons continues its millionth straight week of consistent, solid growth.

THIS IS A FAIRLY TOUGH YOUNG MAN. Beat Michigan, indeed.

YEAH, REMEMBER WOODY WIDENHOFER IN A TOLL BOOTH? The thing about one-time Vanderblit coach Woody Widenhofer working in a tollbooth somewhere around Destin, Florida? That was him, and he did the job because he couldn't play golf due to back injuries and was bored.

TREY MILLARD, JUMP-TRUCKING OVER ITEMS RANDOMLY. Oh, we are very glad Trey Millard did not injure himself filming this.

NO, LET'S MAKE IT HARDER. Patrick Hruby might not be serious about making the NFL Combine even harder to get into for college athletes!

ETC: Last requests to teams might include us wanted Auburn to kiss our ass eternally. Mayer Hawthorne's gone Dan, and that's just fine. GRAND THEFT AUTO FIVE ALERT. This is the most insane fitness article we have ever read. Bushwacker for Governor of Texas (p.s. he can't be dumber than Rick Perry and no that's not a political statement that's just saying that there are many smart people from Texas A&M and from the state of Texas as a whole and Rick Perry is not one of them, even if he does have a way with words.)