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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 7/26/2013

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DOOOO-DO-DO-DOOOOO

Beth Hall-US PRESSWIRE

NO, THIS IS A REALLY GOOD IDEA, WE SWEAR. The nights in Arkansas are longer by three minutes than on anywhere else on earth. Three minutes doesn't sound like a lot, but remember that the smallest margins add up with the greatest effect over time. Take an eternity of those three minutes, and it adds up to utter madness.

The man off-camera--yes, probably chained to a radiator--is what makes this so very good, terrible, and...Arkansas. (Via)

STOOPS NOW, STOOPS FOREVER. Bob Stoops has capped off an emotional summer of Testosterone Replacement Therapy, press conference barrages, SEC-baiting, and a burglary at his house by getting a contract extension until 2020. He celebrated by taking Skyler against the refrigerator, and by hiding his burner phone in the ceiling of the Oklahoma offices.

HE'S SO FIRED. Pat Haden comes out pre-season to assure the media and concerned parties that Lane Kiffin has his full confidence, and that there is no hot seat for him at USC. HE'S SO FIRED, and not because of the unusual "passion"of USC fans, either.

HE NEVER SHOULD HAVE LEFT UC-DAVIS. Based on what Walt Harris and Petersen say about UC-Davis in this interview, you think you could get the job because, yanno...you just applied and got lucky, and then decided to stay there the rest of your life?

TODD MONKEN IS AS SALTY AS THE GULF OF MEXICO HE NOW RESIDES BY. Any time a coach drops "prostituting" in his Media Days remarks, you know you're in for a good time. He's right, of course, and that's why he's Todd Fuckin' Monken.

PLEASE STOP BEING SO HEARTWARMING AND ADORABLE. It makes jokes about Memphis football that much harder to make, Jacob Karam.

DREAMS ARE GOOD THINGS TO HAVE AND FANTASIES ARE EVEN BETTER. Oh, Jim Delany, you optimist who can't say no to love.

ETC: Williston seems like a crunk-ass town or total sadness or possibly both. John Adams could slander a bitch when he wanted to.