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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 07/17/2013

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CLOWNEY TRIGGERS YOUR BODY'S FLIGHT OR NO SERIOUSLY JUST FLIGHT RESPONSE

USA TODAY Sports

THIS LIST IS INCOMPLETE. Tajh Boyd, Aaron Murray, and Tyler Wilson were all scared of Jadeveon Clowney? That only proves that they were a) conscious and b) not using PCP. A shorter list would be to list all the people who aren't scared of Jadeveon Clowney, like Batman and Batman On PCP.

IMPORTANT TO NOTE. Nowhere in Kliff Kingsbury's interview with Aunt Stabby did he rule out constructing a giant robotic Masked Rider to patrol the field and fight giant undersea monsters. Go ahead, double check.

GET IT TOGETHER, BUFFS. Quarterbacks transferring elsewhere to play an entirely different sport hurts your depth. Bad depth means lower likelihood of winning. Lower likelihood of winning means Gameday won't come to your campus. And that means we don't get to see Lee Corso riding Ralphie.

IN FAIRNESS, THE MAN LOVED PIC-A-NIC BASKETS. Dominique Easley doesn't know who Bear Bryant is, which is Bear Bryant's fault because Bear Bryant never went on Sesame Street and taught Snuffy how to slide block. BEAR BRYANT DID NOT CARE ABOUT THE CHILDREN AND THAT'S WHY HE'LL NEVER BE THE COACH HARRY BELAFONTE WAS.

IT SOUNDS GROSS. But "Bret Bielema Belks" does not mean what you think it means. (Ok, it does mean what you think it means, but it also concerns bowl tie-ins. Please practice safe Belk.)

ETC. Sleep tight! Finally, we will see Sinbad in the role of President LL Cool J. Yeah, but can she throw that baby to the back corner?