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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 6/7/2013

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NEVER COOPERATE WITH THE NCAA ON ANYTHING

Spruce Derden-US PRESSWIRE

GOOD MORNING MISSISSIPPI STATE. So let this be a lesson that being upfront with the NCAA, cooperating, and disclosing everything fully still gets you two years probation, a loss of two scholarships for your troubles for those two years, and a pat on the head from the NCAA for your cooperation. We still don't know what the NCAA does, exactly, but they did just make a difficult job in Starkville that much harder for Dan Mullen. Um, cheerleader for student-athletes mumble mumble something.

OH MAN VEGAS HATES LSU SO MUCH. We would, too, if we were dependent on Les Miles being predictable and patterned in the name of betting money on football. Additionally, Alabama is favored in every game they play by embarrassing margins, and for some reason Miami is a Vegas favorite. You might want to start making money by betting against Miami covering in these games right now, because the ACC is a graveyard of "things you expected to happen."

STOP BEING SO DAMN ALABAMA, ALABAMA. Bill C's look at Alabama finds a number of points of concern for the Tide going into 2013, like shut up we were kidding there aren't any Roll Tide.

JOHNNY COUNTRY MUSIC FOOTBALL GET BACK TO WORK DAMMIT-- Those who think Johnny Manziel has had too much fun lately what with the kid and the drugs and the long hair and the hippy partyin' will be thrilled to know he is appearing in a music video. He will not be playing bass like Joker Phillips, mind you, but not all of us are the seasoned session hand/Instagram genius that is Joker Phillips.

DON'T MESS WITH HIS ROBOT HEART. It's not fair to toy with the emotions of a man with a baboon's heart, young man.

HEYYYYYYYY COLORADO. Remember that thing about Art Briles saying he didn't believe a lot of what he read on social media, and how he was forgiving about that? There's reasons, and they start with 18 year olds making dumb decisions in real time on social media.

ETC: What celebrity looks best in a bathrobe? Legendary Texas A&M Aggie Rip Torn, obviously. Holy crap, that bass line. Don't ever cheat on your spouse, ever, for any reasons. This is extremely accurate, and also better than anything Lil Wayne has done in years.