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Patrick McDermott

THE INTERNET IS WONDERFUL. Flushing a bunch of recruiting letters down the toilet is only the beginning, people. We haven't even considered the possibilities once you bring fireworks into play. BACK TO YOUR MOON PRISON YOU GO, DAN MULLEN!

OH RIGHT THIS ALSO HAPPENED. Gordon Gee is showing himself out at Ohio State, because this is what actually happens when keeping it real goes wrong. It's not all bad news, though, since Columbus is getting an Aussie punter and oh goddammit put your pants back on Jim Tressel.

GOING SOMEWHERE AND TRYING TO DO THINGS THAT HAVE NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE IS A LOT MORE FUN. This is Steve Spurrier's approach to football. And cookouts. And dancing at weddings. And international underground fight tournaments. Especially international underground fight tournaments.

PLEASE STAPLES DON'T HURT EM. You can get on Andy's science, or you can lecture an 18 year old about "responsibility" and "honor" and other things that you would have traded for a case of High Life as a college freshman. Whoops, our bias is showing. (leaves bias out) (points to bias suggestively) (gets banned from Chili's)

THE LONGHORN NETWORK IS LISTENING. Ole Miss fans, take heart: the university and ESPN are working out a way for you to watch the Texas game. What is that way? Nobody's given any details, so Houston Nutt flying around in a biplane shouting out updates via megaphone is in the cards. Call your cable company today and demand Houston Nutt Flying Around In A Biplane Shouting Out Updates Via Megaphone!

ETC. It isn't new, but it is an extremely engaging longform piece about snipers.