THE CURIOUS INDEX, 06/03/2013

CHANGE IS UNCOMFORTABLE. We are well aware that Kentucky is not without a history of competent quarterbacking, but that doesn't make it any less jarring to read about future Wildcat Drew Barker balling the hell out at Elite 11 camp. Are we just supposed to forget about the Morgan Newton years?

No. No, we are not.

GOODBYE SYRACUSE AND HELLO SYRACUSE. You think you're improving your lot, moving out of a decaying Big East and into more powerful football conferences. You think you're changing your destiny for the better. But the Pinstripe Bowl does not care about your machinations. The Pinstripe Bowl simply finds you wherever you are and takes you.

P.J. FLECK WILL MAKE YOU BELIEVE. As Western Michigan's new head coach, Fleck's philosophy is simple. 1) RESPONSIBILITY: It's irresponsible to not see if a horse can row a boat. 2) TRUST: Trust me, it's going to be awesome when everyone else on the lake is all "holy shit did you see that horse rowing a boat." 3) BELIEF: I can't believe how quickly that boat sunk once we put the horse in it.

MAYBE STOP TALKING NOW, RUTGERS. Not making it better, dudes. Not even a little.

YOU WANT TO MEET ABRAHAM LINCOLN? An unnamed coach can make it happen, if you're a highly touted prospect. For more information, visit www.hughfreeze-lordofthedarkarts.olemiss.edu

OF COURSE A (INSERT SCHOOL HERE) FAN FAVORS EXPANSION. This is what we in the biz call an "easy fat joke," and the beautiful thing is that we can apply it to Michigan State, or Texas, or Florida, or UConn, because everyone everywhere is fat. FOOTBALL BOTERO SUBDIVISION Y'ALL.

IF YOU MISSED IT. The 1990s were a fashion nightmare, and only one person in Arkansas was an exception: BILLIAM DOLLAR CLINTON.

ETC. This is a gorgeous way of explaining that we're all drinking sludge. This bloglyfe is not so glamorous once you see Fearless Leader at his side gig. Cops taser llama - Florida or ok yeah it's Florida.