HEY SPECIAL TEAMS KEEPING IT CLEAN. Unless you count Brandon James, punt returner, was arrested for weed possession, which we don't because ACE ATTORNEY HUNTLEY JOHNSON KEPT THAT CLEAN, SON. But it's a pretty good start for a team nonetheless provided you have a Huntley Johnson on the team as well. And no defense is complete without Huntley Johnson, something that really should be on his business card.
OH, SHINY THINGS. Lamonte Edwards stole an iPhone, and that's against the law in most places including Minnesota. He's off the Minnesota football team now, and losing linebackers (or anyone, really) is totally something the Gophers can afford. (Actually, Minnesota's defense wasn't that bad last year. Fifth in the Big Ten, and shut up it's the Big Ten and that still counts.)
THAT WILL HAPPEN. Remember how Louisiana Tech went 9-3, but didn't make a bowl last year? That's one of a few things that will help get an AD fired, which is exactly what happened today in Ruston. There is nothing in the Ruston Leader about this, and that is surprising because their headlines are so futuristic they literally type themselves.
WE HOPE HE FINDS A WAY TO FINALLY GET SOME PUBLICITY AND RECOGNITION. GBH looks at Johnny Manziel's prospects for 2013, which we announce to be "really fucking good provided someone blocks like Luke Joeckel did at tackle, and merely awesome if someone does not."
LET'S STOP TWEETING RECRUITS. Or just using Twitter altogether, and go back to falcons bearing scrolls sealed in wax.
ETC: "Get it" is just one reason you should download "Run the Jewels."