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Joshua S. Kelly-US PRESSWIRE

THAT'S NOT SMART. Clemson fans may be mourning a bit after a bit of vandalism chipped a piece off Howard's Rock last night, but consider a few things before becoming too sad and/or angry.

1. Someone's going to punish them for this. Note: no one said it would be the police, because this is South Carolina, and we know that not all transactions of crime/punishment occur within the codes of civil and criminal law there. (Like, easily 70% of them, by our totally made-up estimate.)

2. It's a rock. You had the good sense to pick something that can't be poisoned (See: Auburn) as a symbol, and also something that the coach it is named for used as a doorstop for years. A blow from a pickaxe just chips the damn thing. It's also replaceable, since we have been to Death Valley pretty recently, and let us assure you: there are still shitloads of rock just laying everywhere doing jack nothing.

3. A Clemson fan wasn't the one who attacked a rock. If nothing else comforts you here, it should be the notion that though this might be bad, at least you're not the ones who in a fit of rivalry anger decided to take out their aggressions on a lifeless, formless hunk of rock. Rephrased: you weren't the ones taking out life's frustrations on a fucking piece of stone.

CAPTAIN PRESS CONFERENCE. The real useful thing in SI's article on the NCAA in crisis is a.) that anyone believes the NCAA is a real thing and b.) Mark Emmert used lasers and preroll video for his intros like a pro wrestler would. MARK EMMERT OFF THE TOP ROPE WITH THE DEVASTATING FINISHING MOVE: THE LOI.

WELCOME BACK, DREAD RAIDERS. Whatever happens with Texas Tech this year, it should be fun, and per Bill C. that's a sorely needed change from the Tuberville era. Remember when Tommy Tuberville's wife refused to live in Lubbock? Ah, memories.

RE: THE DREAD PIRATE. Why yes, this is very clever, Wazzu fans. (via r/cfb)

ETC: Man, Kyle Petty's hair was so gorgeous we sort of want to lay newborns on it. There is no translation needed, but suck it anyway, El Tri. Oh look, Uncle Dana came over from Morgantown for a visit. He just won't give up on that old truck. LOL NOPE. NOPE NOPE NOPE. Ordering this bike immediately with no regrets and certainly no helmet.