clock menu more-arrow no yes

Filed under:

PROFESSOR ORGERON JUST HAS OTHER THINGS TO TEACH YOU

New, 743 comments

STOP BEING A NERD AND KNOCK ED ORGERON'S TEETH OUT, NERD

Kirby Lee-USA TODAY Sports

To be fair: when Ed Orgeron calls you a motherfucker, it's really just a sign Ed Orgeron is talking to you, and not any specific sign of anger.

You motherf—-r, DeMars remembers Orgeron, who went on to become head coach at Ole Miss from 2005 to 2007, and is now back at USC as assistant head coach, shouting at him. "He M-F’d me all over the place," says DeMars. "He made me feel like a bad person for going to class."

Bob Demars is currently making a documentary called "The Business of Amateurs," so sure, he'd be biased against yelling at players for not skipping class. But let's consider all the ways Ed Orgeron helps young men that have nothing to do with football.

  • Passing down the ability to be both wild and a boy simultaneously, and usually in groups.
  • Teaching invaluable trapping and taxidermy skills, often whether you want to learn them or not.
  • Proper instruction on telling people about the magnificence of the Hummer
  • How to properly move a Red Bull fridge from Knoxville to Los Angeles overnight
  • Precious lessons on how to maintain a low-carb lifestyle through savvy gas station foraging.
  • How to cover for your head coach when he crashes a car under weird circumstances. HYPOTHETICALLY CASE ONLY.
  • Witness intimidation. [again hypotheticals only]
  • Bringing down survey helicopters with compound bows for fun and profit.
  • Yawwbeebawwww. Yaw. Bee. Baw.

So Ed Orgeron may yell at you for leaving practice, but it's not because he doesn't love education. It's because he has so much to teach you that the professors dont' even realize is essential to a real education: ass pursuit (and the need to continuate said pursuit until ass acquisition,) how to fish on the gas company's land without getting caught, and why you should stop being such a nerd and hit this pad if you want to be third string on his team, you massive, class-having nerd, you.