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THE VERY PICTURE OF SORROW. We really don't know how Bill did it, but there it is: words that are not just pure sadness written about New Mexico State football. Bill C. is a masochist of the highest order, and this is his intellectual Jackass DVD set.

GET FUCKIN' MONEY, BRENT FUCKIN' PEASE. Florida's most profane coach is getting a $100,000 raise, so some fuckin' congratulations are indeed in goddamn order. Now to the next frontier: SCORING 28 POINTS TWO GAMES IN A ROW. #believeinyourdreams

BURT'S KITCHEN MAKES SENSE TO US. It is indeed the depths of the offseason if you're constructing detailed hypothetical maps of Bret Bielema's kitchen. We don't know how accurate this is, but one part is totally there: the giant beer fridge.

PAT DYE HAD DONE THIS BEFORE. Not for charity, but still: those are not the hands and posture of a man who has never surrendered to the authorities before.

RIP. Asaph Schwapp, former ND fullback, dead of cancer at the age of 26.

ETC: BOW BOW BOW BOW BOW BOW FLOCKA BOW. No one could have imagined the challenges facing the recently cut punter. China treats animals well.