SHIRLEY PHELPS-ROPER TO OLE MISS

At some point last night, Shirley Phelps-Roper, she of the Westboro Baptist gay-hating, soldier-funeral-protesting, Kansas football fan* Phelps-Ropers, was taking in her Sunday evening vespers ritual of trolling homosexual-friendly message boards and catching up on the latest ABC Family programming (God may hate fags, but even He is a sucker for Pretty Little Liars) when she came upon a Sunday night movie feature she had not seen before.

She sat in horror as Sandra Bullock and Tim McGraw (whose wig in and of itself was an abomination to God) opened up their home to an inner city black youth and reared the young man as one of their own. She remained stunned as the boy somehow in God's name qualified academically to play football, and then was even more shocked still when the obvious work of Satan prevailed as the boy chose to play football at Ole Miss, the alma mater of his new surrogate God-hating white family. Her only indication that the Lord had any hand in this story was when Houston Nutt made a cameo appearance.

All of this convenience and outward innocence may have been enough to appease the NCAA at the time, but Shirley Phelps-Roper answers to a higher power and she isn't going to let this idolatry and indignation stand one minute longer.

But a press release wasn't enough. The Westboro Baptist Church is planning a trip to Oxford (That's a link to their "protest schedule" on their website...just trust me, they're coming to Oxford. None of you need a link to godhatesfags.com on your internet history.) I expect, upon their arrival, that they'll be met with just the proper amount of southern hospitality that an SEC football fan being told following his team is sinful requires.

However, if this is just an elaborate ploy to get Hugh Freeze Twitter RT's, I'll be sorely disappointed.

*assumed