The time has come for the EDSBS Charity Bowl 2013. This is our annual version of the NPR pledge drive, except all the money goes to our favorite charity, Refugee Resettlement and Immigration Services of Atlanta, and we don't have any totebags for you.
WHAT IS RRISA? They are a resettlement agency that helps recently arrived refugees get their lives started in the Atlanta area. This includes helping them find work, getting their kids adjusted to American schools, and a slew of other things you probably don't even realize are involved in being a new American. You can read about their full mission here. You can also look at their full Guidestar rating here. They do good work, but don't take our word for it, and read for yourself before donating.
WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME? The joy of taunting your rival charitably, first of all, since we encourage you to donate in the form of a score. For example, you might just chose the delightful total of $37.26 to donate to celebrate Florida mashing out the Seminoles with Big Dumb Will Muschamp Football this past November, or even $70.63 to exalt the single greatest game of last year, the Triangle Shirtwaist Fire In Morgantown between Baylor and West Virginia. Teams with zero defense are more charitable in this format by default, but don't let that limit your imagination. Just move the decimal point over, and celebrate Iowa's most Iowa victory forever with a donation of $64.00. (Viva 6-4!)
In addition to the simple joy of giving, we will have a few celebrity voicemails for those who make the biggest donation of the day. These are mystery guests, but rest assured you will receive a pleasant message from someone AUTHENTICALLY SLIGHTLY FAMOUS on your phone in exchange for your generosity.
HOW DO I DONATE? On RRISA's website, done up all pretty for just for this occasion. They even put a menu for school affiliation in there, and a
STANDINGS? Updated at the end of every business day starting today.
WHO ARE THE REIGNING CHAMPS? Michigan, the Champions of the West and the most charitable fanbase in college football. We'd hate them being so smug about it if it didn't mean they were also wonderful people with giving hearts, so cuddle up, Brady Hoke. We will send a pizza to Michigan's football offices if you win again. Wait, wait, isn't that sending coals to Newcastle, sir? Oh, not when Brady Hoke's around.
HOW LONG DO I HAVE? The fundraiser runs through the football sabbath, Saturday the 11th.
WHAT IS THE GOAL? $20,000 is the goal for 2013.
WHAT WILL YOU DO IF WE ACTUALLY RAISE $20,000 FOR CHARITY? Besides chuckling that the EDSBS commentariat is by itself a major donor to a charitable organization? That's up to you. We're taking suggestions, but ideas in the past have included making us get a tattoo, and also eating cheese on camera. Please, please: if we're going to eat cheese on camera, at least give the money to a good cause before we vomit for posterity. The comment section is open for suggestions.