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THE CURIOUS INDEX, 5/3/2013

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I'M SURE THAT DOESN'T HURT IN WEST VIRGINIA OR SOMETHING

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Kevin C. Cox

WOOOOO WAIT THAT SEEMS COUNTERPRODUCTIVE AND PAINFUL. West Virginia, we will never understand your strange customs, but we certainly endorse them whatever they are.

(This is actually a tradition, but shhhhhh. For you it's just mountain insanity, and that's fine with us.)

JUST WRITE US A CHECK AND IF YOU NEED US WE'LL BE ON THE GOLF COURSE. One word for letting ESPN own the whole thing is lazy, another is cautious, and a third is "you make this shit, write us a check, and we'll be on the back nine if you need us." Whatever it is, ESPN allegedly owns the entire SEC Network until 2034, and that could mean a lot of money in the strictly theoretical sense since no one's divulging any financials on the deal, and won't until someone gets a few carefully leaked documents in their inbox. [hint hint] It also means another thing: moments for Dan Mullen to awkwardly enter the frame as a late participant in group photos.

THERE ARE ALWAYS TWO SIDES TO A STORY. Jeremy Hill's attorney says the video of him punching a man doesn't tell the whole story. The punch is like Rashomon: there's like seven different angles to the story, your honor, and [throws plea deal on judge's desk and begs for mercy]

MORE VAGUE OFFSEASON POSITIVITY. Muschamp sounds optimistic about Jeff Driskel, and with vivid instructions like this how could he not be?

NO. Just, no, no, no, and no.

ETC: Goodbye, $25. Live like this is happening every second of every day. Nicholas Cage is very good at his job. The champion never stops trying even in the face of adversity.